Ask Jackson – Kiss And Tell

Dear Jackson,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, our anniversary is this week. We believe we are soul mates and love and care for each other immensely. For the past three weeks he has been gone on a soccer tour in Europe. Yesterday he told me that when he was at a nightclub in Denmark he was dancing with a girl and she kissed him. Even though this may not be considered “going far” with a person but I am devastated, I am unsure of what to do or how to feel. I feel like i do not trust him and I just don’t see myself being the same around him. He comes back to America tomorrow and I am sick to my stomach with anxiety and hurt. I do not want to leave him because I love him so much but I feel like if i don’t do something than there could be a chance that he won’t respect me and this could happen again. I guess my question is what should I do about our relationship?

Kiss and tell

Dear Kiss and tell,

Without assumption, ask him if he kissed her back if you haven’t already. The fact that your boyfriend was honest and told you that SHE kissed him shows you can trust him and chances are he did not initiate it. Majority of men do not kiss and tell if they’re truly cheating. Keep in mind nowadays woman can be very aggressive. All relationships have their ups and downs and this is something that can be worked out. Besides, I doubt he will ever see this girl again. Why allow someone who neither of you know from the outside ruin what you have built together. If he has never given you a reason to not trust him and has been faithful, don’t let this be the reason you stop trusting him. Only you know your man. Follow your heart. If you honestly feel he did not kiss her back stay with him, but also make it clear that this shouldn’t happen again. There is no sense in breaking up with your soul mate over a girl who crossed the line and doesn’t matter to either of you. Let it go, continue to trust and move on. Happy Anniversary!

JSpeeks

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Ask Jackson – Falling For A Friend

Dear Jackson,

I have this friend and recently I figured out that I have other types of feelings for her. We have been friends for a long time and the last thing that I would want to do is put that friendship in jeopardy, but at the same time I think that this friend could be exactly what it is that I’ve been looking for. My question is, should I tell my friend how I feel, or should I just let it go and let things stay the way they are?

Falling For A Friend

Dear Falling For A Friend,

When it comes to matters like this you cannot expect things to stay the same if you tell her how you feel. If you tell her and she likes you great, but if she does not you can expect the dynamic of your friendship to change. There should be signs that show she likes you back, such as; does she always want to spend time with you, do you catch her staring at you, does she hint or gesture that she likes you, and has she told her friends she likes you. It is easy for a woman to have a friendship with a man without her feelings going beyond just friends, whereas with a man it can be a little more difficult. My best advice would be to judge your situation and if you genuinely feel she feels the same way tell her. At least it will no longer be on your chest and you can move forward no matter what the outcome. Best of Luck!!

JSpeeks

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Ask Jackson – What I Fear

Dear Jackson,

Over the past few years I had two relationships. Both were long and we were both great friends. They had their ups and downs like any other relationship and ultimately ended. In both I gave myself completely and was entirely wrapped up emotionally. I think it is a good thing to give your all to something. One thing I fear is that in giving your all like that, when it’s over there are just memories. You feel like you spent yourself. I just wonder if I’d ever connect with someone to that point again where I am willing to do whatever, whenever, and fight for us. I don’t want to go backwards but I do miss my recent ex, not the relationship, but our friendship. I’ve known her since 2000 and we know the most about each other. She was my best friend. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not tearing me up inside but I do feel it. Looking back you always feel like you could have did this, or that, or maybe this wasn’t as big a deal as it was but, I believe that’s just a trick of the mind. I keep reminding myself that where I am now is far beyond where I was yesterday.

Signed,
What I Fear

Dear What I Fear,

You would never have experienced the feeling of love and wanting to truly care for someone to the point that you would do anything for them if you didn’t allow yourself to be vulnerable and take a risk. Love is a beautiful thing and if you ever want to experience it again unfortunately your going to have to take a risk with your heart and emotions.

However you may have ended your relationships is probably why you second guess and keep wondering the what ifs. But reality is, you can what if about a lot of things. Your past will always be full of memories, good ones and bad ones. Your future is waiting to create new memories. It is always hard to let go of someone you truly loved especially a best friend, but remember, best friends are not always the best mate. Write out a list of all the qualities your heart desires in a mate. And without making excuses for these woman from your past, do they fit the list or even 90% of it.

Getting over someone you love is a process and it wont happen over night. What you feel is only natural.  You miss the relationship and the friendship you shared, the connection with your ex’s, what it represented, but I’m sure it’s not your ex’s itself that you miss.

Jackson

 

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Ask Jackson – Why Can’t I Let Go

Dear Jackson,

In a nut shell, been with guy for 10yrs, gone through 3 cheats that I know of. The most recent one I ended up sharing him, stupid I know, and still I can’t find myself to let go and I do not know why. He says he can’t let me go and doesn’t want to see me with anyone else, selfish is what he is, I know. My mind tells me this isn’t right and that I need to get out of this, but my heart is weak, I love him but I know I do not deserve this. One foot is leading toward moving on, the other is still hanging in there.

Signed,
Why Can’t I Let Go

Dear Why Can’t I Let Go,

The title of this “Why Can’t I Let Go” is telling me that you want to get out of this relationship. After being with someone for 10 years you can become very comfortable. When you picture your ideal relationship you don’t want someone who is going to cheat on you or expect you to share him with another woman. There is no commitment if a man will allow you to share him with another woman. You said “he can’t let go and doesn’t want to see you with anyone else” but yet he has seen himself with other women every time he cheated. The more you allow him to do the more he will do. Trust your intuition. How long have you been telling yourself things will get better and they haven’t. Days? Months? Years? You deserve a real man, one that is going to truly love and respect you. After 10 years of putting up with a man like this you clearly have a big heart and deserve to be loved and respected. Follow your heart and what is common sense, you cannot create something that is not there. Don’t cheat yourself. Realize and accept the truth of your relationship, where it’s going, and let go.

Best Wishes,
Jackson

P.S. There is an article I wrote a while back on Trusting Your Intuition check it out it may also help you with your decision.

Have A Relationship Questions? We would love to help send your question to jacksonspeeks@gmail.com

Ask Jackson- Disappearing Act

Dear Jackson,

I was dating a guy for a few weeks. It was going great. I felt we really had a good connection and that we both were really into each other. Then all of a sudden I never heard from him again. I don’t understand. What’s up with that?

Signed,
Disappearing Act

Dear Disappearing Act,

If you haven’t heard from a guy in over two weeks and then he finally contacts you with some long excuse as to how he has been so busy, don’t buy it. Unless the guy you were dating has a high-profile job that keeps him extremely busy. Truth be told nobody is that busy that they cannot take one minute out of their day to make a connection with you. If a man is truly interested and likes you, no matter how much he has going on in his life he will find a way to get in touch with you. The truth is, he may not be that into you. It happens.

JacksonSpeeks

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Ask Jackson- Facebook Is Ruining My Relationship

 Dear Jackson,

It will be a year that I have been with my boyfriend in November. I see women post on his page things like “when are we gonna get together” and “call me” when they know we are in a relationship. We have pics together on both of our pages. When I ask him about who these women are he just says they are nobody, but part of me doesn’t believe that. Besides all of this, he added one of his ex’s who I know he had deep feelings for and they were just talking out in the open, then a few days later she was no longer on his friends list. I just feel like I’m being played. When I ask him about these women and situations, he automatically gets defensive and doesn’t want to talk about it and it makes me feel bad for even bringing it up. Am I wrong for feeling this way?

Signed,

Facebook Is Ruining My Relationship

Dear Fb Is Ruining My Relationship,

You have every right to feel the way you do. Wondering why these women are present in his life seems to be causing a mistrust and even some insecurities in your relationship. Communication is always key. Try having a serious talk about what is going on and how you feel. Facebook will be Facebook. It’s a social site for people to meet other people and network, so chances are there will be more women and men trying to talk to the both of you. Your relationship should not revolve around a social site. If your man is not willing to talk things through and be honest with you then your assumptions are probably correct. A man who truly cares about you will do what it takes to keep you.

Jackson

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Ask Jackson – Tired of Dead-End Dating

Dear Jackson,

Over the past 6 years I have had 3 serious relationships and they all went bad. I don’t want to come across as if the break ups were all their fault, but I am almost 31 years old and a part of me is tired of the whole dating,getting to know someone and then risking the chance of it not working. I just don’t believe I will ever find the right guy. What should I do?

Signed,

Tired of dead-end dating

Hello Tired,

With every relationship you have to chance to learn more about yourself and grow as a person. I understand that your frustrated and tired of risking your heart in relationships that have not worked out for you. Truth be told, just because you have a Mr. Right does not mean he is your Mr.Right. There are reasons why these relationships played out, but there is also a reason you went through it. Acknowledge the issues that made your relationships go sour and make changes within yourself for the better so that your next relationship will be healthier. Best of luck, and don’t give up on love.

In need of some relationship advice?? We would love to help. Send your question to jacksonspeeks@gmail.com