Ask Jackson – Kiss And Tell

Dear Jackson,

I have been dating my boyfriend for almost a year, our anniversary is this week. We believe we are soul mates and love and care for each other immensely. For the past three weeks he has been gone on a soccer tour in Europe. Yesterday he told me that when he was at a nightclub in Denmark he was dancing with a girl and she kissed him. Even though this may not be considered “going far” with a person but I am devastated, I am unsure of what to do or how to feel. I feel like i do not trust him and I just don’t see myself being the same around him. He comes back to America tomorrow and I am sick to my stomach with anxiety and hurt. I do not want to leave him because I love him so much but I feel like if i don’t do something than there could be a chance that he won’t respect me and this could happen again. I guess my question is what should I do about our relationship?

Kiss and tell

Dear Kiss and tell,

Without assumption, ask him if he kissed her back if you haven’t already. The fact that your boyfriend was honest and told you that SHE kissed him shows you can trust him and chances are he did not initiate it. Majority of men do not kiss and tell if they’re truly cheating. Keep in mind nowadays woman can be very aggressive. All relationships have their ups and downs and this is something that can be worked out. Besides, I doubt he will ever see this girl again. Why allow someone who neither of you know from the outside ruin what you have built together. If he has never given you a reason to not trust him and has been faithful, don’t let this be the reason you stop trusting him. Only you know your man. Follow your heart. If you honestly feel he did not kiss her back stay with him, but also make it clear that this shouldn’t happen again. There is no sense in breaking up with your soul mate over a girl who crossed the line and doesn’t matter to either of you. Let it go, continue to trust and move on. Happy Anniversary!

JSpeeks

First Date Mistakes!!

Have you ever had a first date that you thought went good, but in reality it was a FAIL. First date mistakes and turn offs are why so many people continue to fail at dating. Here are the top mistakes to avoid.

 

1.  Proper Attire
Dress for the occasion. When going to a nice restaurant you can’t possibly think holey jeans and a t-shirt is acceptable while your date is dressed classy. Being under-dressed can make the person you are on a date with regret taking you somewhere nice and even be ashamed to be seen with you. Dress the part. If you are going out to eat it is always better to be a little over dressed than under-dressed.

2.  Intimacy
One of the biggest mistakes people make on a first date is intimacy. The first date is designed to get to know someone. When you put the physical before the mental what mystery is left to be discovered about that person. This can set you up to only be viewed as an object and not the wonderful person you are. Also, premature intimacy such as trying to hold hands and put your arm around your date before you know them can be a major turn off. Don’t do it! Enjoy each other at arms lengths.

3.  Talking About Personal Finances
Now is not the time to express that you’re experiencing economical hardship or that you possess a great deal of wealth. Hinting that your financially unstable or commenting on prices being high can make your date feel like their not worth spending money on or that your cheap. Showing that your loaded can stir ulterior motives for your date to continue to talk to you, whether genuinely interested or not.

4.  Using Your Date as an Ex Adviser
There is nothing wrong with mentioning your ex and how long you were together. However, bringing up your ex and embellishing on why you broke up, what they did wrong, and compromising your past relationship with your date will have your date wondering if you are truly over this person and ready to move on. This is not confession and advice time. Leave your past in the past.

5.  Trying to be Too Sexy or Appealing
Men can tell when a woman is trying too hard to be sexy. Another mistake is trying to be what you think your date is looking for. Like men, a woman knows when a man is putting on fronts or saying all the right things to make himself more appealing. Red Flag! Natural attraction is the best attraction. You should never have to beg for affection. Just be yourself!

6.  Not Being Open Minded
Some of the best dates possess the element of surprise. What if your original plan was to go golfing and there just so happen to be a batting cage next to the course?  Your date tells you that baseball is his favorite sport and asks if you would like to hit a few balls. Your response is No! Big Mistake! You have to accept that you are not the same person and that there will be things you may not want to do but your date will. Give in sometimes!

7.  Drinking Too Much
You may need your dose of courage to get rid of first date nerves, but having more than 2 drinks can lead you down a path of first date failures. Your date shouldn’t have to worry as to whether you can drive home safe or who’s going to clean up your vomit. That’s just gross. Keep a 2 drink minimum rule.

8.  Passive (No backbone) Attitude
Some people experience first date shyness which is normal. Your date asks you “where would you like to go for dinner?” Your response is “it doesn’t matter”. After spending 30 minutes looking over the dinner menu, you ask the waiter “Could you suggest something good for me”. WRONG WRONG WRONG! The fact that you can’t choose what to eat shows a lack of confidence. Not being able to make your own choices and stand behind it can be viewed as a turn off. Get a backbone!

9.  Rudeness
Don’t be late picking up or have your date waiting on you. This will not make them want you more but make your date feel as though they are not important enough for you to be on time for them. Also, put the cell phones away. If you think your date will be impressed with the number of times your phone goes off, guess again. It will only make them feel less important again. Give them your attention.

10. Don’t Make High Expectations
Remember this is your first date. Now is not the time to plan a vacation together or decide who is moving in with who. Take a deep breath and chill.